தீநட்பு (Harmful friendship): Thirukkural

There is a trend in Tamil films to say, "there is nothing called as bad friendship". The problem with such empty statements is that some people believe these to be gospel truth. More often than not such statements justify negative mindset and habits such as alcoholism.

There is something called as bad friendship or as Thiruvalluvar called it, "harmful friendship". Before going into Thirukkural, I'd like to narrate an incident that happened in the early 2000s when I was a college student. Three of us friends were sitting home when one of my friends (F1) was teasing the other (F2) of a bad habit. I was observing these two and F1 made an extraordinarily valid point, pertinent to this post: 

F2: Who are you to ask about my personal things or habits?

F1: Why shouldn't I ask?

F2: That's none of your business!

F1: You cannot brush away things like that. I am your friend and I am duty-bound to ensure that I am honest with what I feel about what you do. 

F2: You may feel about so many things. That doesn't mean that I should do what you feel like.

F1: I agree. But it is my duty as a friend to point out when I feel you are erring. Of course, it is up to you to take it. Friendship is not only about enjoying but taking the best efforts so that my friend can be a better human being. My friendship with you should elevate you and not bring you down. 

What F1, my friend said, is still fresh in my mind. This is exactly what demands of a good friend. Conversely, a person with questionable character who purports to be a friend is no friend at all. Thiruvalluvars Kural penned several centuries back says this:

தீநட்பு  (Harmful friendship) (அதிகாரம்  82)

811. பருகுவார் போலினும் பண்புஇலார் கேண்மை

பெருகலின் குன்றல் இனிது.

This roughly means: Even if a person cherishes his friendship with you, it is better to avoid him if he is of bad character. 

பருகுவார் போலினும்:  (figuratively) those who cherish another's company. (literally) "those who will devour you with affection" [GU Pope et al, Lexicon & Concordance: The Sacred 'Kural' of Thiruvalluva-Nayanar (1886), p. 58]  

பண்புஇலார் கேண்மை: friendship with persons of questionable character

பெருகலின்: Instead of increasing

குன்றல்: decreasing 

இனிது: better

Parimelazhagar's commentary on this Kural reads: "காதல் மிகுதியால் பருகுவர் போன்றாராயினும் தீக்குணம் உடையார் நட்பு, வரல்தளின் தேய்தல் நன்று".

Therefore, the sacred duty of a friend is to elevate his friend and not bring him down. While it might be fashionable to say, "there is nothing called bad friendship", it is undoubtedly true that a person spoils you is no friend at all.