Why Coronavirus is a good thing for husbands

[Disclaimer: This is totally a work of fiction and does not represent the views of anyone, including that of the person posting this. It is totally an exaggeration and represents a totally false version of reality.] 

1. No shopping: Yay! Gone are the days when women did shopping therapy. For those who do not know what shopping therapy, you are must definitely be unmarried and single. Shopping therapy is shopping with the view to wreak vengeance on innocent husbands. For those of you who do not know who an innocent husband is, know this: Every husband is innocent.

2. No e-tail therapy: The above explanation applies equally to this.

3. No haircuts: People, by haircut, I do not mean the haircut under the Insolvency & Bankruptcy Code, but that nagging and irritating experience of going to the saloon kadai (barber shop) on a Sunday afternoon taking your child who's hell bent on being a combination of Dennis the Menace and Problem Child in the saloon kadai. For those unmarried/ married people without kids, taking your child to the saloon kadai is the scariest experience, second only to the temper of a pregnant wife. During the lockdown and for a few months thereafter, all you need to do is take the scissors and cut hair like Prabhu Deva in Minsara Kanavu/ Sapnay (1997).

4. No Grocery Shopping: For those living in cities, the worst worst experience is being forced to accompany your wife for the monthly grocery purchase on a Sunday. Taking the car out and driving the frigging thing on a Sunday is in itself a tedious job. Finding parking space is as difficult as landing the lander on the moon. Even if you manage to do that, the size of the shopping cart and the billing counter galloping like a mad horse or a crazy guruvayoor temple elephant is the most disheartening experience. 

5. No You-don't-spend-time-with-me Complaint: After having spent the entire Sunday morning and afternoon on soul sapping chores, you sit comfortably connecting the headphone to the mobile to use the remaining few hours of weekend to do what weekends are meant for, relax, wifey darling comes up with the scariest complaint any husband faces (applies equally to a boyfriend, I guess): YOU DON'T SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH ME! This spine-chilling phrase is succeeded by a firman for a nearby fancy mall or worse, to an exotic destination location. Both these demands have the same effect: these will empty out your savings. 

With Corona Virus, the only constant question is: "when will your office start?!"

[Note: The 'husband" in the post is sexist and has the mind-set of an MCP. Do not try to be one at home.]